CHAPTER FIVE | TOTAL COMMITMENT
What you are not committed to remains on the same spot, and as a result of improper care, it rots.
When you are wholeheartedly committed to your family as if that is all you are living for, you become a role model for others.
The major way that a couple expresses their commitment to one another is by obeying the scripture in Ephesians 5:22-28
"Husbands love your wives..."
Love is one of the basic ingredients of marriage.
Love is the nature of God. Love is the reason for living. Your measure of Love determines your worth.
Love has medicinal value which has no side effects, no overdose or expiry date.
You "owe" everyone love, especially your spouse. (Romans 13:8). Love is a command and it demands your personal involvement.
Instruct her! Teach her!
As the head of the family, you are expected to instruct your wife in the way of the Lord. That means teaching your wife the things of God, encouraging her to read books, listen to tapes, watch Christian videos, attend fellowships, study the Word of God. By so doing, revelations come from God which will help her in no small way to build and manage the home.
It is your responsibility to ensure that your wife is constantly updating herself spiritually. (Ephesians 5:25-27)
Get educative motivational materials for her. Mind her choice of friends, knowing full well that friends are made they are not born. Any friend that is not contributing to her life positively should be dropped. Be very keen to know the level of her zeal for the things of God. Encourage her to have a good dream/vision and help her to carefully locate her area of interest (gifting/talents). Make her visit resource center where she can be able to develop her unique qualities.
Inspire her! Adam fell because he failed to inspire his wife with spiritual interests. Teach your wife the fear of God.
Nourish and cherish your wife!
Your wife is delicate and tender; hence she must be treated with care. (Ephesians 5:28-29)
Give her the best!
To express love to your wife, you must give her the very best that you can afford per time, just as God gave His best to the world. (John 3:16).
You and your wife are one, whatever you give to her or do for her, you are doing for yourself.
Provide for your family!
Adequately provide for your household (spiritually, physically and otherwise).
When people see that your family is adequately taken care of, you become a role model because others will aspire to be like you.
Make adequate provision as the man, for your family and this is done in levels - physically, academically, spiritually and emotionally. Do it according to the measure of God's blessing upon you.
Physically:
You must attach a great importance to modesty and good dressing. Knowing fully well that dressing is not just merely to cover nakedness but for Glory and beauty. Your dressing adds value to your personality, self-confidence and self worth.
Emotionally:
The emotions can destabilize the whole body if care is not taken.
Academically:
See how your spouse can improve academically, do not be selfish at it. This could be formal or informal. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. Encourage them to be studious and an observer.
Spiritually:
You most cultivate the habit of spiritual development. Be up to date. Ensure everyone has a complete Bible. You cannot know God or the things of God enough.
Avoid putting away!
The issue of divorce must not cross your mind at all for any reason. God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16 AMP, 1 Corinthians 7:11b AMP)
When the covenant of marriage is broken, the children are also affected. (Malachi 2:3)
As the husband, you are the head of the family, if anything goes wrong, you will be held responsible. Be a good example to your family, be a practitioner of the word of God and not what you deem fit.
As a married woman, submission to your husband is what makes you fit in the Lord. Submission is not bondage, rather it's an attitude! Submission is the mother of character. You submit to your husband because he is a representative of Jesus in your home. Whether you think your husband is doing the right thing or not, submit to him as unto the Lord.
Your children are also watching, if you show lack of respect for your husband, they will follow suit.
You must develop an attitude of absolute submission to your husband, as the head of the home. This is the principal tool you need to maintain your marriage.
Keep yourself
Your appearance counts a lot before men and before God. Otherwise, God would not have said in Isaiah 6:5 that you should have a well-set hair and appear beautiful. Being smart enables you to get along with your husband on day-to-day affairs. Keep yourself in shape all the time.
Your physical body needs much attention. Do you know that the way you looked during courtship can still be maintained after many years of marriage?
When you don't keep your physical body, your spirit man is affected (1 Corinthians 6:15-20). As much as you take care of your spirit man, you must also care for your body because it is the temple of the Lord.
Keeping yourself does not mean you have to wear the most expensive things or try to look like anybody, if you know how to package and present yourself properly, as far as your husband is concerned, you are 'Miss World'. No matter your size, height or complexion, you can always look your best per time and make your husband feel good whenever you appear together in public or when he has to introduce you to people.
Be Contented!
A submissive woman is a content woman. Contentment is an attitude that is very pleasant to God. Murmuring and complaining have never produced any desired results for people.
As a married woman, never put your husband under pressure to provide what you know he cannot afford. Be content with the supplies per time, knowing that life is in phases and men are in sizes.
You must not allow your emotions to override you.
Set the home in order!
Some homes are so un-kept and disorderly, but unfortunately, most people who have such homes don't realize that the unclean environment contributes to the problems they are having in their homes. As a woman, your duty involves keeping your home in order. (1 Corinthians 14:40)
There is no way you can prove your godliness if you are a dirty person.
You can choose a most convenient way of making your home look presentable either in your presence or absence. You could place labels where things needed can be easily located without your house being disorganized.
Nursing mothers especially, need to put in extra effort to ensure that the house is not soiled or littered with dirty nappies, bottles, plates and other household utensils. Children's toys must not be found scattered all around the place.
Be Supportive!
In as much as your husband is to make provision for the family, as the wife you can help to share the financial burden.
You must be ready to share all things in common, join hands with your husband to build up the family resources, assets and provision for necessary upkeep of the family. (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Avoid Separation!
There is no reason strong enough for couples to live apart, not even their jobs. Are you married to your job or to your spouse?
Jesus Himself warned that "What God has put together, let no man put asunder". This means that man and whatever situation he creates should not constitute a stumbling block in your marriage relationship. Stop making the statement "I have had enough of you", "I want a break" or you keep saying "give me a break; is it by force!" The enemy the devil wants to take advantage of you to finish your marriage. Please be very sensitive of your actions.
Marriage is a responsibility; it places a high demand on your life, so you can't afford to do just anything. You must accept responsibility to keep your home together because to whom much is given, much is required. The storms of life will blow around your family, but make up your mind as never before to stand your ground against the wiles of the devil. Stay committed to your spouse and to the marriage covenant.
When you are rooted in God, nothing can uproot you. The storms of life are not friendly but our anchor is the Word of God. Hold unto it without wavering (Mark 11:23).
Be conscious of God's presence with you in your relationship and remember that a threefold cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Source: Codes For Blissful Marriage (Chapter 5)
Copyright © 2007 by Mary A. Abioye
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