CHAPTER FOUR | COMMUNICATION
Communication is an act of listening, watching and sharing. It is the free exchange of thoughts, ideas and opinions shared between both or more people who are willing to (be) open to each other.
Communication is the music of marriage. When a relationship is void of communication, it becomes dead.
Keep the line of communication open in your home; don't let your spouse keep doing the talking.
The most important thing in any relationship is communication. Without communication you cannot build a long-lasting family life.
Spouses must strive to bridge the communication gap by talking about everything that concerns the family. When one speaks and the order does not understand, ask questions. Relate with each other freely. Do not hide anything from each other. Ensure that your spouse understands what you mean per time. By so doing, there will be no room for satan to penetrate into your home, because you have not made any loophole available.
Shouting and screaming is no communication (naturally, when you are talking you don't scream or shout).
Four instruments of communication:
The Mouth:
Words are the commonest way to communicate love. Never assume that your spouse knows what you want to say. Learn to speak kind words not destructive or idle words.
Say good things about your marriage; say good also of your spouse.
When you keep your mouth, you keep your marriage.
Even concerning material resources in the home, you must be careful what you say. In the language of the kingdom, nothing ever finishes. The Bible says, "you shall have whatsoever you say". I have observed that in some homes, when some things are not in stock in the house, they keep saying "it is finished". I have never said food or any other thing is finished in our home. Even when it is not visible, I say 'we have plenty' because the Bible says "you shall have whatsoever you say". So everyone in the house understands the language "we have plenty" there by calling the things that be not as though they were (Romans 4:17). That way, God keeps replenishing the stock.
The Body:
Sex should be used but in its proper place and time according to God's plan. Within that plan, the sexual instinct is a good thing, a powerful source of life and unity between two beings. Outside of God's plan, it quickly becomes a means of division, a source of cruelty, perversion and death.
Walter Trobisch
Sexual intercourse is an act which affects the whole personality.
No matter the offense your spouse commits against you, never use sex as a tool of punishment.
You must understand that satisfying your spouse's sexual needs is one of your marital duties. As much as lies within your power, you must always make yourself available for him or her. Don't allow your sex life as a couple to be one-sided, be participative, your spouse must not always be the one to make a request for sex or initiate it, you too can make a request whether you are the husband or the wife. It is a way of expressing your need for your spouse, to let him or her know that he or she is loved, appreciated and desired.
Sexual intercourse is not 'dirty' as some people think, it is scriptural. As long as you are legally married, it is right and is a very good way to promote intimacy. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
Let your spouse enjoy you. Don't be too high-minded.
Just as there must be no deprivation of sex in marriage, there must also be no over-demand for sex.
Couples must be sensitive to the physical and emotional state of each other per time so as to be able to exercise control when they are required to abstain for a brief period of time. Sex should also not be used as a means of 'bribery' in marriage.
There is no substitute for sex in marriage. That is why most people believe that once a marriage breaks down in the bedroom, the couple may eventually pack it up if nothing is done to restore their sex life.
Ensure that your sex life is lively, interesting and exciting, not a boring time that you just endure but the time that both of you participate fully to ensure that each party is satisfied and fulfilled.
Don't think that God is too 'holy' to be interested in your sex life, He is interested in it. So you can pray to him about it; ask for help or wisdom to make this aspect of your marriage what it ought to be.
The Eyes
Develop the eye of an eagle; always looking ahead to greater heights. What you see influences your action.
Those who have telescopic eyes see far ahead, they ignore unnecessary details so that they can pursue higher goals. Sometimes, looks communicate a lot more than words. Spouses must learn to use eye contact beyond what people can hear. Train your children with eye contact; it helps save you from a lot of embarrassment.
Money/Material Things:
You don't have to wait to see the pocket of your spouse go empty before you communicate your money or materials to him or her.
Don't give because you are expecting something in return, No! Don't let money or material things rule your home.
A wise man said, "Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust". The way people use money when it is in their hands reveals much about their character.
Money is good when you put it where it belongs.
Teach your family members how to be financially committed in the Kingdom. (Malachi 3:8-10)
HOW TO COMMUNICATE
Create excitement: show me an excited man and I will show you a man with a future. Excited men don't give excuses. Their environment makes for a happy living. Create humor in your home to release the pressure and diffuse tension. Make your home a place of pleasure. Remember that a merry heart doeth good like medicine but a broken spirit dries the bones (Proverbs 17:22). Always have a cheerful countenance, don't look unapproachable but be full of enthusiasm.
Avoid repetition of matters: No one repeats matters without being full of bitterness.
Avoid bitterness: Each time you find yourself embittered, the after effect is being locked out of God's presence.
Be an example of good works. Stop finding faults in your spouse, instead start mending each other's faults.
Source: Codes For Blissful Marriage (Chapter 4)
Copyright © 2007 by Mary A. Abioye
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